In My Life
by sour grapes snape
Summary: In my life, I love you more
1. Lily: Seventh Year

_October of Seventh Year_

Lily sat in an abandoned corridor, tears streaming down her face as she clutched her knees. She hated this feeling. She hated the emptiness in her stomach, the aching in her heart, and, most of all, the sting in her eyes and the warm liquid that trickled down from them. She hated feeling weak.

It didn't matter to Lily that she had a good excuse for her grief. She didn't care that people would think her heartless if she _wasn't_ crying. All she wanted was for the tears to stop.

And for her parents to still be alive.

It had been sudden, unexpected. A car accident with a drunk driver. It was so commonplace, so mundane. But that almost made it hurt even worse. But the part that really stung was the fact that her sister, Pentunia, hadn't seen fit to inform Lily until over a week afterwards. She hadn't even been able to attend the funeral.

Lily let out a frustrated sigh, reaching up to violently scrub at her cheeks in an attempt to remove the evidence of her crying. But it was a futile effort, as more tears continued to slip from her eyes. She pulled her hands away from her face and laughed bitterly as she examined the water that had collected on her palms.

"It doesn't make you weak, you know."

Lily jumped when she heard the voice that came from above her. She didn't have to look up to know who it was. "What are you doing here, Potter?"

James Potter slid down the wall, taking a seat on the floor next to Lily. He watched her with a guarded expression, although she didn't notice. She was too busy staring fixedly at a crack in the wall opposite her.

"You ran out of breakfast pretty quickly there," James responded mildly. "I just wanted to check on you."

"Make sure I'm okay?" Lily asked bitterly.

James gently paced a hand on her shoulder, which Lily promptly threw off. She paid no mind to brief flash of disappointment that crossed his face, choosing to look down at her knees instead.

"No, that wasn't it," James said slowly, withdrawing his hand. "No one would be okay after both their parents died."

Lily whipped her head around to stare at him, shock going through her. "How did you know that?"

James gave her a slightly guilty look. "You, er, left your letter behind when you ran out, so…"

"You read my letter?!" Lily gasped in outrage. Her hand flew out to smack him across the back of the head. "That was private, you sod! You had no right!"

"That's true," he agreed, much to her surprise. "It really wasn't my business. But I saw the look on your face before you sprinted out of the Great Hall. So I just wanted to find out whether I should come talk to you or just leave you alone."

"You should have just left me alone," Lily grumbled petulantly, looking down at her knees. She didn't notice that her tears had stopped falling.

"No, I don't think I should have," James contradicted gently.

"And you are you to judge that? I can assure you, I do not want to be in that Hall right now."

He shrugged. "I'm not disagreeing with that. But just because you don't want to be around a lot of people, doesn't necessarily mean you want to be alone. In fact, I think that right now, the last thing you want is to be alone. And that's why I'm here."

Lily narrowed her eyes at him skeptically. "Sure it is. You're probably just here to ask me out, like usual."

"Yes, because when a girl loses her parents, my initial reaction is to try and persuade her to go on a date with me," James deadpanned, but when Lily looked at him, she saw irritation in his eyes.

"Right, sorry. Ignore me, I'm being thick," she mumbled, looking at her knees again. She'd always liked her knees. It sounds odd, but she really did have nice knees. They were the same as her mum's.

A warm arm settled itself around Lily's shoulders and she turned to face James once more, so startled that she didn't bother to attempt to escape his grasp. "You're not thick," he told her. "You're the smartest person I know. You're the smartest, most beautiful, brave, funny, and amazing girl I've ever met."

She couldn't meet his eyes. "If I'm so wonderful, then why do I feel so awful?"

"I'd be worried about you if you didn't feel that way," he said simply, tightening his grip.

Lily felt the corners of her mouth wobble as her eyes filled with tears once more. "I just can't believe I'll never see them again," she gasped, sobs forcing their way through her chest.

"You will see them again," James murmured, pulling her over to cradle her head against his chest. She felt bad as her tears soaked into his shirt, ruining it, but she didn't pull away. "Death isn't forever, Lily. Just a temporary delay."

"I – it just… hurts," she said lamely. She couldn't really find the words to describe how she felt. It was an aching, burning sadness that weighed down on her heavily. Everything seemed darker, more fragile. Throughout childhood and adolescence, children always have an unshakeable belief that their parents will always be there for them. But Lily's belief had just been forcibly ripped from her, crushed to pieces with along with the car that her parents had been driving that day.

"It's okay to hurt," James said, now stroking her hair. "It means that you loved them."

"If not loving them means I wouldn't feel this way, then I think I might make the trade."

James pulled Lily's face up so he could look at her, his gaze suddenly fierce. "Don't say that. Love is never a bad thing. Never. In our lives, people come and go, but you should never regret loving them."

Lily stared at the wall behind his shoulder. "You're right. Of course you are. I just… can't think right now."

"And you have the best of excuses for that," James responded, letting go of her. She found herself missing the comfort of his arms, so she cautiously leaned her head against his shoulder. He slung his arm around her shoulders once more, a smile Lily couldn't see finding its way onto his face.

"Thanks for this," Lily said after a moment of silence. "You were right, James, I didn't want to be alone."

When he didn't say anything, she looked up at him in slight puzzlement. Taking in the expression of shocked elation he was wearing, she raised an eyebrow, tears running dry once more. "What is it?"

He stared at her, smiling tenderly. "You… you called me James. You've never called me James before. Ever."

Lily frowned. "Surely I have at least _once_ before," she said, more to herself than to him.

"No." He shook his head. "You never have."

She blinked once. "Oh. Well I guess… maybe I should fix that?"

"Right," James snorted.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He just shook his head. "Nothing. Never mind, it's not important."

"No, tell me," she insisted, pulling away from James to look at him better. She almost though he looked… bitter.

"I just… Look, I've pretty much given up on all hope that you'll ever see me as a good guy. I'll always be 'Potter' to you."

Lily looked away. "Maybe I've never seen you as a good guy because you've never given me a reason to."

"Back then, yes, but what about now?" James questioned.

"What do you mean?"

"People change, you know," he said mildly. "Some forever and some for better. I like to think I've done both. And can you honestly say you're the same as you were before?"

Lily gaped at him. "You – I… what are you saying?"

James rolled his eyes. "Think about it. When was the last time you saw me hex somebody for fun? Or asked you out in a ridiculous, public way? Or even the last time I was in detention? And think about yourself, too. At this time last year, you never would have let me talk to you like this. Comfort you, or whatever."

"Yeah, well, you… you're Head Boy this year. You have responsibilities… and we work together. I… know you better this year," Lily defended uncomfortably. He merely raised his eyebrows.

"Do you really?" he asked in doubt. "Know me, that is?"

"Yes," she said stubbornly. "I know that your favorite color is green. I know that you look up to your dad more than anyone else. I know that you became friends with the rest of the Marauders because you believe everyone deserves a chance and that now they're like the brothers you always wanted but never had. I know that you hate peas but have an unhealthy obsession with treacle tart.

"I know you want to be an Auror because you hate everything that Voldemort stands for. I know that your reputation as a womanizer is exaggerated and untrue because you believe in treating all women with respect. I know that you get up early every morning to watch the sunrise. I know you, James Potter," Lily insisted, surprising herself just as much as James.

James opened his mouth to speak, but all that he could manage was a faint choking noise. He looked so shocked that Lily felt herself begin to color. And she couldn't help but wonder how she'd learned all that. Half of the things she'd just said she hadn't known that she knew until she was telling it to James.

"I stand corrected," James managed after a moment. Then he glanced down at himself. "Or sit corrected, if you want to get technical."

Lily shrugged, still feeling a burning blush in her cheeks. James ran a hand through his hair idly. "How did you know all that stuff?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't really know, to be honest. I guess I'm just more observant that I give myself credit for. And some of it you told me yourself."

"And you remembered?"

She gave him an indignant look. "Of course I did. I'm Lily Evans, remember?"

James gave a weary chuckle. "Oh, I know. I don't think I could ever forget."

They lapsed into silence, James' arm still around Lily. With a jolt, she realized that she was already feeling better. She still felt the loss of her parents, deep in her heart, and she knew that she always would, but James made it feel better."

She found her voice once more, breaking the quiet for a simple, but very meaningful moment. "Hey, James?"

"Mm?"

"…Thank you."

* * *

Later that day, Lily walked into the Gryffindor common room where she was immediately assaulted by her friends. They clamored around her, asking her questions about her wellbeing and state of mind.

"We're so sorry for your loss," Alice said sincerely. "Are… are you okay?"

Lily caught James' eye from across the room where he sat with his friends, watching her in concern. She smiled at him softly. "Yeah," she assured her friends. "I am."

* * *

**AN**

**This is going to be a little story of connected one-shots and drabbles about Lily and James. The chronology won't be right, for the most part, although I might change that when the story is finished. Let me know what you thought!**


	2. James: Fifth Year

_June of Fifth Year_

"Oi, Padfoot, chuck us a Chocolate Frog, would you?" James called to his best friend as they lounged in their dormitory.

"Get off your lazy arse and get one yourself," Sirius Black shot back.

"C'mon Padfoot," James whined. "Take pity on me. I need chocolate to ease the sting of my aching heart."

Sirius snorted. "Don't be such a girl. So Evans said no when you asked her out. Big deal."

"It is a big deal," James insisted, sitting up on his bed. "You heard her, she said she'd rather date the Giant Squid!"

"That is pretty insulting," Sirius mused, taking a large bite out of the Chocolate Frog James had wanted. "Though in her defense, you _were_ hexing her best friend."

James ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it up more than it already was. "I need to figure out a way to win her over."

"Why do you care so much? I mean, I know you've always had a thing for Evans, and she is pretty fit, but I've never seen why you've always been so obsessed with her."

James shrugged, flopping back down onto his bed and staring up at the ceiling with a slightly dreamy expression. "I'm not really sure. I mean at first, I just thought it was fun to annoy her. I liked seeing her face turn as red as her hair and the sparks fly from those eyes of hers. And the way she almost seems to swell before she starts screaming at me…" He trailed off, grinning.

Then he started when a Chocolate Frog came into contact with his head. "Earth to Prongs," Sirius said dryly. "Are you still with me?"

"Right, sorry," James said, grinning sheepishly. "Anyways, at first I went out of my way to bother her because I thought her reactions were funny. But I don't know, eventually I just started really watching and paying attention, you know? I started seeing the little things. Like did you know she scrunches up her nose when she reads? Or that she absolutely loves pickles? And her laugh. Have you heard her laugh? It's such a pure, carefree sound."

Sirius stared at his friend before shaking his head. "You've got it bad, mate. She's gotten into your head."

"Oh, shut it," James responded good-naturedly. "I just… I don't know, I think there's something more to her. And you know how smart she is. I could actually have intelligent conversation with her."

"You could," Sirius said doubtfully. "But first she'd have to stop yelling at you about how much she hates you every time you're in a twenty-foot radius of her."

"Yeah, I suppose that's a bit of problem."

"What are you two doing up here?" came the voice of Remus Lupin as he and Peter Pettigrew walked into the room. "You do realize you should be studying, right? Our Transfiguration OWL is tomorrow!"

Sirius scoffed haughtily. "I told you Moony, I don't need to study. I could pass this thing with my eyes closed."

Remus just frowned. "I really don't think you two are taking this seriously enou – are you eating my Chocolate Frogs?!"

"We were hungry," James said defensively.

"Those were mine!"

"There's still some left," Sirius said, gesturing at the three remaining Frogs.

"There were over two dozen of them this morning!"

"Chill, Moony, I'll get some more for you," James assured him.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Right now? What about studying?"

James winked at him. "Please, that exam will be a piece of cake. It's me, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I suppose. Merlin knows you're too naturally gifted at it for your own good," Remus grumbled.

"I'm naturally gifted at everything, Moony," James chuckled. "But it's good to know you'll acknowledge at least one of my stunning traits."

As James walked out the door, he vaguely heard Remus shout "Lose the attitude, Prongs!" He chuckled to himself, shaking his head.

James strolled through the corridors, heading towards the statue of the one-eyed witch. It had been one of the last secret passageways out of the school that he and his friends had found. It had actually been Peter's discovery and was definitely one of the most useful.

James was passing by an unused classroom when he heard a faint snuffling sound. He paused for a moment, curiosity getting the better of him. He was a Marauder, after all. Listening closely, James realized that there was a girl crying in the room. Pushing open the door, he immediately recognized the deep red hair of one Lily Evans.

"Evans?" he asked tentatively. Her head snapped up and she stared at him, her vivid green eyes slightly puffy. In the back of his mind, James marveled about how she still managed to look beautiful, even with blood shot eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

Lily had always had a strange sort of beauty. While not traditionally pretty, there was just something captivating about her. Her bright hair was thick, shiny, and eye-catching. Her skin, though unusually pale, was smooth with a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her small nose. Her lips were thin and chapped, but finely shaped. Her eyes were slightly too big for her oval-shaped face, but they were easily the most beautiful thing about her.

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily spat, breaking James out of his reverie.

He lifted his hand to ruffle his hair nervously. "Er, I heard you crying and I thought I'd see…"

Lily scoffed. "Of course you did. You're James bloody Potter. You think it's your job to snoop around and find out every little detail about this castle and the people living in it. Never mind the fact that sometimes, people _don't want you around_."

"I just wanted to see if you were okay," James muttered defensively. Usually when Lily would yell at him, it was kind of amusing, kind of fun. But not right now. Now he felt almost… ashamed?

"Why on earth _would_ I be okay?" Lily fumed. "You were down at the lake. You heard what Sever – what Snape said. What he called me."

"Is that why you're here?" James asked incredulously. "I get that it was hurtful, but it was _Snivellus. _You're better off without him."

Lily looked at him, utter contempt etched into her face. James shifted uncomfortably. "You are a pig-headed git, Potter! Are you forgetting the fact that he was my _best friend_? I get it. You're an immature jerk that hates him. He hates you, too. But what on ever gave you the right to mock him like you did? Where do you get off hexing him at every opportunity?"

"Hey, your precious friend isn't exactly innocent either!" James shot back. "He did all those things to me, too! But I don't recall you ever telling _him_ to stop. No, everything always had to be _my_ fault!"

"But it's not just him you do it to! You think you're so much better than everyone else and that it gives you the right to jinx anyone you please! Well, it's wrong Potter. And if you could see past your own giant ego, you might see that!"

James threw his hands up in frustration. "Oh, c'mon Evans, I'm just having a laugh! It's not like any of the spells I use are dangerous."

"Well, it's immature and bigoted," Lily said, crossing her arms stubbornly. Then her anger seemed to melt away and she sighed sadly. She stared at James unblinkingly, before asking quietly, "How would you feel, Potter? If Sirius called you the worst name you could think of? If he referred to you with a word that's offensive and prejudice and… well, hurtful? What would you do if the one person you thought would never insult you like that, did?"

James was stunned. "I guess I didn't really think of it that way."

"Of course you didn't," Lily whispered, shaking her head and looking away.

James watched Lily, unable to think of anything to say. He didn't like this. He was used to the fire and passion of their fights. Hell, he enjoyed them! He knew that if actually wanted her to like him, he shouldn't act like such a jerk, but there was just something so… alluring about her anger. So he did the only thing he knew what to do around Lily: he acted like an arrogant toe-rag.

"Tell you what, Evans," he said smoothly, smirking when she looked back over at him, "I think I know a little something that'll make you feel better."

"Do you? And what would that be?" she asked warily.

James mussed his hair confidently. "A chance to go on a date with the one and only James Potter."

Lily's mouth dropped open. "Are you… did you really just ask me out _again_?!" She cried out in frustration. "Potter, you are the most insufferable little berk I've ever had the misfortunate to meet! Weren't you listening before? I'd rather date the giant squid than the likes of _you_! It is literally the last thing I would ever do, EVER! You are so aggravating, Potter, I honestly cannot believe you! Ugh!"

She stormed out, red hair whipping out behind her just before she slammed the door to the classroom shut. James shoved his hands into his pockets and waited a brief moment before strolling out of the room, getting back on his path to sneak out of the castle.

He knew he had just taken several steps backwards in his half-formed plan to win over Lily's heart, but he couldn't quite bring himself to care. Because he knew that by irritating her so much, he had made her forget about her sadness over Snape. And that made it worth it. And besides, making her angry was the only way he knew to get Lily's attention. And that, after all, was all he had ever really wanted.


	3. Lily: Seventh Year 2

_December of Seventh Year_

"Aw, c'mon, Evans!" James said with a grin. "You know you want to."

Lily couldn't stop the smile that spread over her face. "Why is it that every time you try and beg me for something, you use my last name?" she asked in amusement.

"Whatever do you mean, _Lily_," James replied, blinking innocently. Not that anyone would ever believe that James Potter was innocent.

"I mean," she sighed, "that whenever you want me to help you with your Potions essay, or do some of your Head duties for you, or anytime you ever need something from me, you always wear that stupid grin and refer to me as Evans."

"That's not true and you know it!" James gasped dramatically. Lily rolled her eyes.

They were sitting in the Gryffindor common room with the rest of the Marauders. It had been over a month since Lily found out about her parents' death, and quite a few people were shocked by the friendship that Lily and James had formed. Lily was rather shocked herself. They had tentatively tried to get along the previous year, though it had been rather strained and had worked particularly well. But then again, they had been getting along much better this year. James may have still been his obnoxious, fun-loving self, but he was much less immature. And now that he'd stopped aggravating Lily every chance he got, she found she actually quite liked James.

"Back me up here," Lily appealed to Sirius, Remus, and Peter, who had been watching the two, thoroughly entertained.

"Sorry, mate," Sirius said, clapping James on the back, "but she's got a point."

"Traitor," James exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at Sirius.

"No, it's true," Peter chimed in and Remus nodded. James glared at them.

Lily laughed. "I told you, James. And anyways, the answer is still no."

"But why?" James whined, pouting. He looked like a three year old. An adorable three year old.

"James," Lily said patiently. "I am not going outside to watch your Quidditch practice. First of all, it's a _practice_. While I do enjoy watching Quidditch, I like the actual matches. Second, I have work. This Arithmancy essay isn't going to write itself. And third, it's _cold_ out there. Why do you want me to watch your practice, anyway?"

"We're friends! Shouldn't friends support each other's hobbies and interests? And since Quidditch is so much more than just a hobby or an interest, you should support me even more," James explained eagerly.

Lily just stared at him, not quite able to comprehend how such an intelligent person could be so dense. "James. No."

"Lily," he pleaded. "Please? C'mon, Pete does it sometimes! You're not going to let him be a better friend than you, are you?"

"Hey!" Peter protested. James grinned at him.

"No offence to you, of course, Wormtail. I was just trying to appeal to the side of Lily that wants to be better at everything than everyone," James explained.

Lily shot him a glare. "That is _not_ true. Just because I put effort into things and try to be the best I can be does not me I want to better than everyone else. And offending me really isn't helping your case."

"Just once," James begged. "Just come this one time. That's all I ask."

"Give me one good reason," Lily said, folding her arms over her chest.

"I'll shut up and won't bother you anymore?"

Lily deliberated for a second. "Fine. But I'm bringing my Arithmancy with me."

James let out an obnoxious whoop, thrusting his arms into the air in victory. "Cheers! Okay, let's go, I'm going to be late for practice!"

"Wha – your practice is _now_? James!"

"Get your cloak, let's go, go, go!"

* * *

Lily was grumbling under her breath as she sat in the stands out on the Quidditch pitch. She couldn't believe she'd let James talk her into this. Sure, she likes watching Quidditch and all, and James _is_ a very good Chaser, but this was a practice. A _practice._ Why on earth did she need to be here?

Turning back to her Arithmancy work, Lily sighed. She was never going to get any work done out here. The wind kept on trying to snatch her parchment away from her and she was having difficulty juggling both it and the hefty textbook. Perhaps she should just go inside…

She shook her head. No, Lily would stay. But only because James would be so crushed if he saw her leaving. She glanced back out at the players flying through the air. James was currently giving instructions to the Seeker, while the rest of the players were scrimmaging against each other. Lily watched James's face closely, taking note of the animation that shone in his eyes, despite the fact that he seemed to be speaking very seriously. One thing was for certain, James took his duties as Quidditch captain very seriously.

Suddenly, James turned his head and caught Lily's gaze. He grinned at her, waving ostentatiously. Lily waved back, though less obviously, blushing slightly at being caught staring. Giving herself a little shake, Lily turned back to her work. She wasn't sure why she had been so absorbed in thoughts of James. It's weird. He's her friend, she shouldn't be staring at him like she was.

Giving herself another shake, Lily tried, once again, to concentrate on her Arithmancy. Unfortunately, her gaze kept straying back to the people flying around the pitch, especially one messy-haired individual. Her tenuous concentration was probably what caused her to loosen her grip on her parchment. And as a result, the parchment in question slipped from between her fingers, flying through the air on a particularly strong gust of wind.

Lily's eyes followed the trajectory of the paper desperately. Maybe it would land safe and sound and she could retrieve it. It would be awful if she would have to redo the entire assignment. The parchment blew down the pitch, towards where James was closing in to try and score a goal. A sudden feeling a dread building in her, Lily watched as the parchment was blown directly into James's face, blocking his sight.

With a strangled cry, Lily watched James recoil slightly at the sudden obscuring of his vision. But before he could remove the parchment, James smashed into one of the goal posts and fell from his broom. Lily screamed loudly as he plummeted towards the ground, but breathed a sigh of relief when one of the Beaters swooped down to catch him.

Lily ran down from the stands to where the Gryffindor Quidditch team had gathered around James, who was lying on the ground. She pushed them aside, dropping to her knees and gently stroking James's cheek.

"James," she said desperately. "James, are you all right? James?"

Slowly his eyes opened, looking a little stunned behind his glasses, which sat crookedly on his nose. He was lucky they weren't broken. "Ouch."

"How do you feel, James?" Lily asked in concern.

His eyes met hers and Lily was suddenly aware of closely she was leaning over him. They were only a few inches apart. She felt herself begin to blush. James smiled slightly. "Better, now. It's a good view."

Lily flushed a darker red at the flirtatious tone in his voice, but she felt some of her worry slip away. Clearly if he was making remarks like that, he was going to be perfectly fine. She started to lean back slightly, but James put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. She looked at him questioningly.

He held up the parchment with her Arithmancy assignment. "I think you lost something."


	4. James: Sixth Year

_March of Sixth Year_

"Looking for a specific book?"

James jumped, looking away from the book shelf he'd just been perusing. He knew, without looking, that it was Lily speaking. He'd memorized the particular tone and cadence of her voice long ago, without meaning to. It was hard not to when he always pushed her temper to the limits and caused her to shout at him so much.

"Evans," James greeted her, not bothering to turn around. His heartbeat picked up almost imperceptibly. "Can I help you?"

"You've been standing in this aisle for a while," Lily said, sounding guarded. "I was just wondering if you needed help finding something. I do know the library pretty well."

Finally, James turned, regarding Lily warily. She was watching him speculatively, her eyes narrowed ever so slightly. Her mouth was set in a hard line and she looked as though she was waiting for a disaster of some sort. Not that James blamed her. He himself was prepared for an explosion.

The past five years, James and Lily had danced around each other in an odd sort of dance, twisting and turning, avoiding each other but for the occasional dart closer in confrontation, but still keeping a distance. They did not argue constantly, as many people assumed. Normally, they would be tolerant of one another, though never friendly. James was not a bad person, nor was Lily a shrew with a violent temper. But sometimes things seemed to ignite when they were together. They brought out the worst in each other. Or, some might argue, the best.

James could never really stop himself from acting like an arrogant berk around Lily. Though he could manage to be civil at times, something Lily reciprocated, he just couldn't help, sometimes, but to push her buttons. That's when Lily, normally so kind and soft-spoken, would lose her head.

But that was in the past now, that circling filled with the occasional stand-off. This year, however, things were different. James was different. Though he didn't like to admit it, the events following the Defense Against the Dark Arts OWL had shook him. He was ashamed of his behavior. Snape was a foul git who was all too interested in the Dark Arts, yes, but James knew that it was his humiliation of Snape that had brought about the hurt of Lily. And no matter how much he liked to irritate Lily, see the sparks of anger in her vibrant eyes, there was no denying that he cared about her. Perhaps a little too much.

That's why he'd tried to stop making her so mad so often. He still did, of course. He really couldn't help it and doubted he'd ever be able to stop completely. He had, though, cut down on it and actually tried _talking _to Lily like a normal human being. It had worked – surprisingly well – though they were hardly friendly. However, instead of relieving the tension between them, it had only caused it to increase. Now, as they both looked at each other, the air was thick with the tension. It was no wonder they both seemed prepped for an explosion.

After a pause, James finally answered Lily's question. "Help would be greatly appreciated, actually. Thank you. I need something for the Potions essay."

Lily lifted an eyebrow. "Getting a head start on that? It's not due for several days. I'm impressed, Potter. Normally you leave these things for the last minute."

James shrugged casually, though on the inside his pulse was pounding. He didn't want to mess this up. Although he'd managed to have several semi-amiable conversations with Lily this year, this was the first one she'd initiated. "I figured it was time for me to apply myself. Learn a little responsibility."

The other pale red eyebrow joined its mate. "I see. Haven't you already learned responsibility from being Quidditch captain? The team has really improved from last year, you seem much more cohesive. I figured that was your doing."

"There's a bit of a difference in being responsible for leading a Quidditch team and being responsible in school. Wouldn't you agree?" James's palms began to feel sweaty as Lily slowly began to move towards him with small, hesitant steps.

"I suppose you're right," she conceded, drawing even close. Her green eyes were fixed on his. James found he was having a little trouble breathing. Oh yes, he definitely likes Lily far too much for his own good.

"You know, you really do seem different this year," Lily continued. She was so close, James thought he could feel her body heat radiating from her and warming him to almost unbearable temperatures. "The periods of time in which I actually find you tolerable have increased."

"Why Evans, that was almost a compliment," James remarked, his throat dry. There were twenty three freckles across Lily's nose and cheeks. He could count them. He tried to swallow with difficulty, his Adam's apple bobbing.

Lily lifted her hand, bringing it up by his face. James's heart stuttered when her soft skin brushed with the lightest touch against his cheek when she reached for something behind him. He tried not to let it show, how much her proximity was affecting him. He blinked when a book suddenly appeared in front of his face.

"I believe this is what you're looking for," Lily said, placing the book in his hands. James's mind was befuddled and he couldn't quite figure out what she was talking about.

"For your Potions essay," Lily elaborated, spotting his blank look. "It's the same one I used for my essay."

"Wait, you've already finished it?" James asked in impressed surprise as she stepped away, allowing a more socially acceptable amount of space to come between them. James was simultaneously disappointed and relieved.

"Of course," she said with a wink. "I do like Potions. Besides, I'm Lily Evans, remember?"

"Oh, I doubt I could ever forget," James muttered under his breath. Lily heard him anyways, and a faint pink flush colored her cheeks, making her freckles stand out even more.

"Good luck with your essay. Not that you need it, I'm sure," she said, appearing slightly flustered. She started to leave.

"Hey, Evans, hold on for a second," James said. "I… uh, I think we should… be friends."

He wasn't sure what made him say it. In truth, what he really wanted was something a bit more than friendship, but he knew she didn't feel the same way. There had always been something about Lily Evans, though, that drew him in, something he could never explain. And he knew that even if he couldn't make her his, he would like to have Lily in his life. Preferably in a way that doesn't involve them getting into frequent arguments.

Lily was looking at him in vague disbelief. James waited, more nervous than he cared to admit, expecting her to reject him yet again, although in a much different way than in the past. That's why he was so shocked when she nodded.

"I see no reason why we can't try," she said, almost pensively. "If it doesn't work out, you can always go back to being the only person that can manage to get under my skin so effectively. I used to think I was a nice, level-headed person until I met you. No one else can quite get me angry so quickly and easily. Well, except my sister, but that's a story for a different day."

"I look forward to hearing it," James replied smoothly. On the inside, he was celebrating. He was the only one who could get under Lily's skin. She probably didn't mean that in a good way, but he still felt rather proud of that. At least he wasn't forgettable.

Lily smiled slightly. "I'll see you around… friend."

"Bye, Evans."

She left, going back to the table where her friends had been sitting, occasionally shooting curious glances to where the two of them were. James refrained from doing a happy dance as he walked back to where Remus was waiting for him. That had been entirely unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome.

Things were looking up.


	5. Lily: Seventh Year 3

_January of Seventh Year_

The Potions classroom was filled with a haze of smoke, most of it in varying shades of blue, although there was a plume of deep orange coming from the cauldron of a nervous looking Slytherin. Lily Evan's cauldron, however, was issuing a steady stream of smoke that could only be described as perfect. It billowed lazily, swirling in elegant spirals, a blue of the deepest shade and it was far superior to the smoke of any of the other students in the classroom, save Severus Snape.

Lily, however, was not taking the time to marvel at the perfection that was the Blood Thinning Potion she had expertly brewed. Instead, her eyes were trained on the back of the head of the boy that sat one table up and one to the left of her own. A soft smile had appeared unawares on her face as she idly stirred her beautiful potion.

"Your obvious is showing," came a voice to her right, making Lily jump.

She turned to glare at Remus Lupin, her potions partner for the day. He was currently smirking at Lily, I knowing look in his eyes as he glanced between the redheaded girl and the previous object of her scrutiny.

"I've no idea what you're talking about," Lily responded in a lofty tone. But, of course, she did know. However, when one finds themselves in a state of denial, they tend to… well, deny things. And in addition to her rather exemplary potion-brewing, Lily had also become rather an expert on refusing to see what was right in front of her.

"Is that so?" Remus asked teasingly. "Are you trying to tell me that you _weren't_ just staring at one James Potter?"

"That's exactly what I'm trying to tell you," Lily replied, though her cheeks flushed tellingly. Not for the first time, Lily silently cursed her pale skin and redheaded genes for making her blushes so visible.

"Why don't I believe you?" Despite the dark, weary circles under them, his eyes were bright with mirth.

"Stuff it, Lupin," Lily said. She glanced critically at his cauldron for a moment. "And add some more lacewing flies to that. Your potion is too thin."

Not quite able to help herself, Lily found her eyes drawn once more to the head of rumpled black hair. At that moment, though, the head turned around and Lily found herself looking into the eyes of James Potter. He grinned at her impishly, a dimple popping into view in his left cheek. Lily quickly averted her gaze, ducking to hide her face, but not before James caught site of the blood that was rushing to her cheeks once more.

"Subtle," Remus muttered to her.

Lily whipped her head around to glare at the boy sitting next to her. "Do you mind?" she hissed.

"Could you just be honest with me for a moment, Lily?" he asked. "Do you fancy James?"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me, Remus, but are you or are you not one of James' best mates? What on earth makes you think I'd talk to _you _about this?"

"I was under the impression that you and I were friends as well," Remus responded mildly.

"Well… we are, but-"

"I won't tell James anything you say," Remus interrupted. "Whether it's positive or negative, I won't tell him."

"Why not?"

"Are you kidding? I'm not getting involved in whatever complicated relationship you and James have. You two can figure that out on your own. But I do care about both of you, so I just want to make sure you don't get hurt."

Lily nodded slowly. "I… okay. Um."

"Well?" Remus gave her a searching look. "Do you fancy him?"

"Er, well, the thing is, that, uh, it's kind of complicated, okay?" Lily said, beginning to grow flustered. Her eyes had grown bright and her hands were quivering. Though she had avoided answering the question, her physical reaction was all that Remus had needed.

"You do!" he exclaimed, his eyebrows disappearing below the fringe of hair hanging over his forehead. "You fancy him."

"I.. well, yeah, fine. I do. I have for a while."

"A while?" Remus's gaze sharpened. "How long is a while?"

A rather sheepish expression crossed Lily's face. She bit her lip hesitantly. "Uh, that would be the complicated part."

Remus's face grew stern. "Lily. How long?"

"Er, I'm not exactly sure when it started, for sure," she started, her voice brisk and fearful, "but I didn't realize I fancied him until sometime in… fihyer."

The words blurred together at the end of the sentence, Lily speaking as quickly as she could. Remus frowned at her, not amused. "Come again?"

"Fifth year," Lily breathed in a miniscule voice, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on her potion, which had started to boil.

"_What_?" Remus cried loudly, shock permeating his voice. He jumped to his feet, his surprise apparently rendering him unable to sit still. The entire class turned to look at him except Lily, who just kept stirring her potion determinedly. James Potter gave his friend a questioning look, which Remus ignored. He was still staring at Lily with disbelief.

Catching wind of the attention he'd drawn, Remus quickly made up an excuse about Lily making corrections to his potions – one which no one seemed to buy, but as they didn't particularly care, all the students returned to their own brewing. Remus sat once more, gazing wide-eyed at Lily.

"You could try being a little bit more discreet," Lily said to him through clenched teeth. She could feel the eyes of a certain someone trained on her and, needless to say, it was putting her on edge.

"Perhaps you should give me lessons," Remus retorted. "You must be great at concealing things since you've liked James for _two years_ and never let him know. Do you have any idea what that would mean to him?"

"I thought you weren't getting involved," Lily snapped. "Watch your potion. It's boiling too quickly."

"You could put Slughorn out of a job," Remus said. "And I'm just trying to sort this out in my head. If you've fancied James all this time, why did you turn him down every time he'd ask you out?"

"Just because I fancy him doesn't mean I want to date him," Lily replied. "I meant what I said back in fifth year. James really was an arrogant toe-rag. He had good qualities, yes, and I liked those a lot. But there was no way I was going to put up with the ego."

"But… but… we all thought you hated him!" Remus spluttered. Lily just gave him a disparaging look.

"I never hated James. I'll admit I wasn't a big fan of him when we first met, but he was never a bad guy. We did get along sometimes."

"I guess, but after hearing the phrase 'big-headed prat' tossed around a lot, people tend to forget about those times," Remus pointed out.

"Right," Lily muttered, face still unnaturally pink. "Well, now you know. So we don't have to talk about it and can move on with our lives."

"Just wait one second," Remus said, eyes narrowing. "Are you ever planning on telling James any of this? I think we can both agree that the arrogance problem is pretty much moot at this point."

"Oh, gosh, look at my wrist, I have to go," Lily said hastily, pulling back the sleeve on her black school robes to check a watch that wasn't there. "It's been a really nice chat, there Remus my friend, but you know, place to see, people to go – or, er, I mean –"

Remus shot his hand out to grab Lily's arm as she rose from her seat in what would have been a desperate bid to flee the classroom. "Avoiding something?" he asked dryly.

"Can't you just let it be?" Lily pleaded. "Really, Remus, I'm very happy in my state of denial. Can't you just leave me there?"

Remus began to smirk, the left corner of his mouth rising slowly, but before he had a chance to speak, a different voice cut in. "Now, now, what's with all the chitter chatter over here?"

Professor Slughorn had waddled over from his place at the front of the classroom to stand in front of Remus and Lily's table. His shiny, bald head was glistening slightly with sweat from the heat of the fires in the classroom. He glanced downward at the two cauldrons sitting before him and a delighted smile crossed his face.

"Oh ho! Well Mr. Lupin, this is one finely brewed potion you have here. Would I be correct in guessing you were given a few pointers from your lovely partner?" Slughorn then examined Lily's potion, grinning ever brighter. "Perfect potion, Lily m'dear. But of course, I'd be shocked if it wasn't."

"Cheers, Professor," Lily replied.

As Slughorn moved on to examine the potions brewed by the rest of the class, Lily began packing up her things, actively avoiding making eye contact with Remus. As she quickly moved to return some excess ingredients to the potions cupboard, she ran into something distinctly solid. A gnawing feeling of dread filling her stomach, Lily raised her head and was dismayed to find James looking down at her.

"Where's the fire, Evans?" he asked her, left eyebrow quirked in amusement.

Lily, for her part, completely froze. She could feel her face practically searing with heat and wondered if she'd ever stopped blushing since Remus had called her out on her staring. There was so much blood in her face, Lily was ruefully surprised that she even had any feeling in the rest of her body. Though there was a faint tingling feeling in her extremities…

"Are you okay?" James asked next, concern now creeping into his features. Belatedly, Lily realized that she was gawking at him, her mouth agape.

Shutting it with a snap, Lily nodded hurriedly. "Oh, I'm fine. Really, I am. It's just… a bit warm in here. That's all. I'm just really hot."

"All right," James said slowly, clearly not quite buying the excuse. Shrugging it off, though, he then gave Lily a quick once-over, a familiar mischievous twinkle appearing in his eyes. "Perhaps you're overheating. The best option would probably be to remove a layer or two of those clothes. I could help you, if you want."

James's offer was accompanied by a wink and a devious smirk, leaving no confusion as to what he was insinuating. The back of Lily's neck and knees prickled with heat.

_What on earth is wrong with me? _She wondered. She'd been harboring a secret crush on James for a while now and she's never responded like this before. She was friends with him now. He'd matured, and she had as well, and now the two were getting along swimmingly. Adding in un-platonic feelings now would just mess things up.

"Are you sure you're all right, Lily?" James asked, when she once again failed to give a verbal response. "Your face is redder than your hair. Are you ill or something? Do you need me to take you to the Hospital Wing?"

James's hand lifted and reached towards her forehead to feel her skin for signs of fever. This, finally, made Lily snap into action. "I have to go feed my cat!" she cried, springing away from James as though he had the plague.

"You don't have a cat," James pointed out, wrinkling his brow.

"You can't prove that!"

With that slightly hysterical declaration, Lily sprinted from the room, stumbling over her own feet as she swiftly ran out the door, leaving behind her bag, potion supplies, and a very bewildered James.


End file.
